Don’t know about you, but this is one of those areas where I used to tell myself that it was just “not my gift” to visit sick or dying people. "I’m just not good at it and they really don’t want a bunch of people around anyway…. " It was a good story I told myself, but here’s the truth.
If the “someone” that is sick is the mother of a friend of yours or your ex-mother-in-law or your bosses’ wife, then don't go visit until they start feeling better. Most really sick people just want family and good friends close by. My dad was asking that only his daughters and wife see him those first few days after the ICU because he didn't want to feel like he needed to "behave" or "entertain." There are only a few people in life that we feel brave enough to ask for help from and that is usually those closest to us. I have had the “opportunity” to hang with some not-so-well people in the last couple of years. So just about the time I said that “it was not my gift”, God gave me some opportunities to serve in that area. I've gotten to help my grandma get dressed and take her to the ER, helped a friend bathe and get dressed, sit with my dad for hours and do crossword puzzles....
My grandmother has not been well for the last 6 years. In fact, she is pretty much home-bound for the most part. She has 31 grandchildren and great grandchildren and 6 children. You would think that she would have 1-2 visitors every day even if everyone took one day a month! But no. I am the oldest grandchild and probably see her or talk to her only every 3-4 weeks and my cousin Jane sees her about the same. The other 29 grandchildren? I don’t know that they get by but every couple of months and mostly at family get-togethers. It only takes an hour out of my day but for whatever reason I can’t bring myself to visit every week.
My dad has been sick the last several months. When he was in the hospital, I visited every day. Now that he is home, I go there once a week. Why is it such a challenge? He still needs help. I have a good friend/neighbor who had surgery on her rotator cuff and needed help. She was easy to visit because she was 2 blocks away and she was great at asking for help. Most people don’t ask for help. It is amazing that if you ask them “what they need” instead of “do you need anything”, they will always come up with something. "Do you" warrants a Yes or No. "What" means there must be something.
Old, dying or sick people do not ask for visitors because they know everyone is busy. However, if you just place yourself in their shoes for a minute and feel what it would be like to have so many friends and family, yet no one comes to see you, it will propel you to TAKE ACTION. Not sure what to say when visiting a sick person? Read the article "How to Visit a Very Sick Person."
Also, I learned something from a friend who lost her husband to cancer. When you are visiting the “dying”, you are actually there for the “living”. The dying have already had their peace and many times there is nothing else that can be said. However, it is those they will leave behind – children, parents, spouses that are the ones who need compassion, time, visiting and perhaps meals.
Not sure what to say to someone who is dying – this article has some good ideas.
Earlier I mentioned waiting until the sick are feeling better to visit. That sounds a bit crazy, but it is usually those first few days that are the hardest and they just need to be with those that are closest. However, you could ask a family member if they are "up for" visitors or if all else fails, send a card or note or flowers.
So your job today is to call, visit or send a note to a sick or dying friend or family member. You will feel better. They will feel great about your reaching out and you will have Taken Action on something important.
Take it a step further and let us know who you visited or called!
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